Disgust = Better Me

I read this quote the other day that said, “If someone asked you to list everything you love, how long would it take you to name yourself?”

My God. Those were my exact thoughts after thinking about that question. I realized I would have never listed myself as something I loved. At first I brushed it off and I didn’t think it was a big deal. But then the other day I was sitting on the train going to work and I just happened to be really freaking tired that morning so I wasn’t on my phone, I didn’t have a book to read or music to play, and so I found myself actually watching people. What I saw astounded me. I always hear these really obnoxious stories of people having an epiphany regarding how socially unaware our society is. Until I actually looked up and realized that every single person on my train cart was looking at their phone. Every. Single. One. If I made eye contact with anyone, they were quick to look away and distract themselves with something else. 

That small incident felt like I had woken up for a second. We spend so much time traveling or working or planning or doing something that we become part of this societal bubble where we don’t even take the time to look at the people in front of us. We don’t even take the time to look at ourselves. I had to stop for a second and look at myself in the mirror the other day because I realized I never do that. If my reflection is staring back at me it’s always so I can fix something. My hair, my makeup, my skin. It’s never just to take myself in and ask myself how I’m doing; if I’m okay. I realized that bothered me.

We don’t take care of ourselves. I don’t take care of myself, and it’s begun to disgust me. We normalize this stigma of having “busy lives” or not having “time” for the gym. We are so busy creating lives that we forget to live in our own.  My laziness, my procrastination, my hesitation to better myself or eat better can no longer be hidden behind some everyday excuse such as “I’m tired”. I am always tired, I will always be tired. But I can no longer use that as an excuse as to why I neglect myself. I just can’t. I had to ask myself why it was so hard for me to make myself feel good when it was so easy for me to work hard and please everyone else in my life. 

I determined it was the lack of value I have for myself. The lack of value we have for ourselves. It needs to stop. So this week I have embarked on a 28 day challenge. A challenge where I force myself to not buy takeout, cook for myself, save my money, workout five times a week, pamper myself by staying on my hair routine weekly, skin routine weekly, and take some time to read a really delicious book. I am important, it is time I begin to treat myself the way I deserve and create a life worth living. That starts with being the best version of myself I can be. No one is going to do it for me.